Quotes of companies

Here are some of the submissions of actual comments, notices, and statements coming out of different companies:

As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building
using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday
and employees will receive their cards in two weeks. (This was the
winning entry; Fred Dales at Microsoft Corporation )

What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

How long is this Beta guy going to keep testing our stuff? (Programming intern, Microsoft IIS Development team)

E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be
used only for company business. (Accounting Mgr., Electric Boat
Company)

This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Mktg. Mgr., UPS)

Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will
believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it
for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when
it's time to tell them.(R&D Supervisor, Minnesota Mining &
Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

My boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only
needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she
couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell
Computers)

Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what 'I' say." (Mktg. executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I
told my boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the
busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to
Friday. He said,"That would be better for me." (Shipping Executive, FTD
Florists)

We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going
to discuss it with the employees. (AT&T Lone Lines Division)

We recently received a memo from senior management saying, This is to
inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject
mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

One day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a
project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough.
He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow
to ask for it!" (New Business Mgr., Hallmark Cards)

As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing
our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo
one of the sentences mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one
of the training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the
executive committee, I was called into the HR Director's office, and
was told that the executive VP wanted me out of the building by lunch.
When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for "perverts"
(pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally he showed me her copy of
the memo, with her demand that I be fired, with the word "pedagogical"
circled in red. The HR Manager was fairly reasonable, and once he
looked the word up in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition
to send to my boss, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it.
Two days later a memo to the entire staff came out, directing us that
no words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could
be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with
company policy, I created my resignation letter by pasting words
together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)